{"id":5720,"date":"2020-01-18T07:51:58","date_gmt":"2020-01-18T15:51:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/?p=5720"},"modified":"2020-01-18T07:51:58","modified_gmt":"2020-01-18T15:51:58","slug":"planet-of-the-apes-jello-shots","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/planet-of-the-apes-jello-shots\/","title":{"rendered":"Planet of the Apes Jello Shots"},"content":{"rendered":"<!-- wp:themify-builder\/canvas \/-->\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">A bedraggled man of the streets<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">walks into the bar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He orders a Pepsi and coke in a pint\nglass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He pays in change. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He drinks it down in three gulps<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">and says there is <em>a lot of vodka in\nhere<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">His sister served him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">His sister is helping him kill himself.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He tipped her. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He&#8217;s talking to himself,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">about a duck hunt. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He orders a Jello shot,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">tangerine mimosa,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">he wants three, \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">but can only order one at a time,<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">his sister tells him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">She breaks the rules.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">He digests three Jello shots and keeps\ntalking. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Another version of <em>Planet of the\nApes<\/em> plays above him. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">The apes are kicking human ass.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\"><em>Jesus I wish it was real.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Just take us over and perhaps we might\namount<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">to something decent in the end. \n<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"wp-block-paragraph\">Perhaps.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A bedraggled man of the streets walks into the bar. He orders a Pepsi and coke in a pint glass. He pays in change. He drinks it down in three gulps and says there is a lot of vodka in here. His sister served him. His sister is helping him kill himself. He tipped her. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":5721,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5720","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-meditations","category-poetry","has-post-title","has-post-date","has-post-category","has-post-tag","has-post-comment","has-post-author",""],"builder_content":"","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5720","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5720"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5720\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5720"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5720"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/nestuccaspitpress.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5720"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}