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A Blog by Matt Love
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October 5, 2026

On the Disappearance of Journals

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Writing

I no longer find unused journals at thrift stores. The well has run dry at last and that saddens me. I now have to purchase all my new journals and for some reason that irks me. I always loved finding new weird ones for a couple of bucks. No more.

First a dearth, then total disappearance a few years ago. I haunt the thrift stores of Coos Bay on a monthly basis and not a single journal for sale.

It is my belief that the great age of giving journals as gifts at Christmas ended 25-30 years ago and the stock naturally ended over time. I also believe that there was a fad in therapeutic circles to have clients “journal” as a means of reflection and healing, which was a great idea, better than talking to some dipshit charging you an arm and a leg for pablum. But writing in a journal with a regular routine takes, time, discipline and honesty. Most Americans ran out of these qualities a long time ago. Now chat bots for homogeneous, regurgitated advice, not writing about your unique life on paper and trying to figure it out, “plucking your own heart string” as Emerson called it. Thanks fucking Christ Thoreau never went into therapy!

I remember in the 90s when students would give me journals as appreciation gifts when they graduated. I received one rectangular bamboo paper volume that had deep grooves in the brown pages. I cherish that volume.

Over the course of my teaching career, I must have passed out a thousand of the classic black and whit speckled composition books to my students. Always for free. I wonder if any of those students are still writing in paper journals as an adult. I made them do it for a grade, as my high school journalism teacher made me do so in 1979. It made all the difference in my life. I just don’t think that kind of thing happens today, although I hope I am wrong.

My most recent journal is nearly filled up. I bought a sketchbook for $11 and it just didn’t seem right.

October 3, 2026

A Sashay at Dawn

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Oregon Beaches, Poetry

A summer sashay at dawn near the ocean’s edge.

Black panties. That was it.

Her idea.

She insisted I shoot a roll of black and white film.

She wanted analog grain, not pixels.

She wanted smudge and gauze.

Get the dogs in some of the shots, she commanded.

Waves trickling ashore,

hardly a whisper.

Fog drifting back and forth like a long tennis rally.

The dogs led the way.

They vanished.

She almost did.

September 28, 2026

Maybe

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Poetry

She drank herself reckless into year-long, lockdown rehab.

A wild malaise had invaded, her philandering husband marching at the head of the column.

She became lost and lost the only dream she had for herself, birthed at the moment she read The Hot Zone.

A precise, accomplished woman who wanted to travel the world and fight infectious diseases.

She had the degrees, the training, the passion,

the Peace Corps experience where Ebola lurked.

I mailed her a harmonica there.

We had deep history together.

We fought a cultural war together

against dime store creationists,

absorbed body blows,

counterattacked with intellect, sass.

We won in the long run.

Then we smoldered for 20 years.

One day four CDs arrived in the mail.

She had mixed them.

The quartet was called Maybe.

I’m listening to the first CD as I write this.

Feist’s “I Feel it All” says it all.

Everything about our narrative is out of time.

The sequence secluded in God’s Valley,

that last stand of old growth forest in the Coast Range.

I always wanted to show her this ancient place,

so otherworldly even loggers with crosscut saws left it alone.

You walk among these trees, you’ll never need rehab or therapy again.

We had that one chance,

the exhausted tiki bar in Westport

after building 30 cairns on a beach.

The bartender told us the story of how his life was ruined in high school when his hero English teacher blew his brains out during Christmas vacation.

We looked at each other.

We knew what that kind of ruination meant,

an aspiration never pursued that grinds down the mountain range of our promise.

It was there for us.

We’d have to swim the Coral Sea to be together.

I didn’t dive in. You would have because you were a great swimmer

and not just in the pool.

Do you still know how to swim?

I finally learned how.

September 22, 2026

Corduroy Compliment

Matt Love Coos Bay, NSP Meditations

I’d just scored a $1 Western at the Salvation Army Thrift Store in Coos Bay. I was heading toward the natural foods co-op’s free street library to peruse the offerings. I had two of my published books to donate. Why do I derive such joy giving them away to perfect strangers?

The cupboard was bare. I began walking to the car when a bearded homeless man in his 40s or 50s clad in red rapper clothing from the 90s, replete with a big gold chain, came up to me. He had a nice smile. No sign of being addled.

He said he loved my corduroy coat! Why do all the homeless people love this coat? He said it must be French. I said it was made in Yugoslavia, most likely in the 1970s. I’d owned it for 16 years. There is clearly mystique in this coat, some kind of secret weapon for soliciting storytelling encounters.

His name was Rick. He fist bumped me. He asked if I had a buck to spare.

You’re damn right I had a buck to spare to anyone who compliments my corduroy coat!

We wished each other a good day and went along our way.

September 19, 2026

Perry on My Mind

Matt Love NSP Meditations

Perry McIntosh, a homeless man in Sellwood died recently. I wanted to pay him a tribute because he deserves one.

I lived in Sellwood caring for my invalid father from 2021 to 2025. While in Portland, I met and interacted with Perry countless times as he picked up trash (usually wearing a clip-on tie!) and maintained the landscaping of the traffic islands. If I had cash on me, I always tipped him for his service and thanked him. He never solicited me. He was occasionally tipsy or stoned, but never addled. He always looked me straight in the eyes.

In time, I got Perry’s story from neighbors. He’d been homeless in the neighborhood for over a decade and performing the same clean-up duty the whole time. For seven years he had lived in an overgrown vacant lot along a creek, planted an informal community garden, shared his produce. That pastoral life ended when an absentee landlord showed up and evicted him. A little while later, dilapidated RVs, cars, trucks, tents and pallet shanties were erected near the area. Perry’s presence had prevented the encampment and once established, it took five inexplicable years for the city to clear it.

In my many conversations with Perry, I learned a lot about his history.

He hadn’t worked in 35 years. He was a full time “volunteer.” He collected no Social Security. He’d grown up in the neighborhood. He slept most nights in a mobile contraption. Would I like to see it? You’re damn right I wanted to see it.

Perry had constructed a makeshift tiny trailer covered in black plastic that he towed with a bicycle. It reminded me of a covered wagon on the Oregon Trail. Perry opened the wagon and let me peer inside. Someone had recently broken in and stolen some of his belongings. He wasn’t upset. Some people needed things worse than he did.

I asked him about the t-shirts I always saw him wearing, with PERRY emblazoned across the front and S.O.S Save our Sellwood across the back. Perry told me a man in the neighborhood was so taken with the ongoing beautification efforts that he had them custom made! We certainly need more of that ad hoc encouragement related to homelessness in Oregon these days.

He utterly despised the fentanyl and meth miscreants who defecated on sidewalks, left garbage everywhere, menaced Sellwood with their public addiction. He taught me there was a definite hierarchy in the homeless community and drug miscreants were the bottom dwellers. He refused to pick up garbage from their encampments. His metaphor for them was chumming. You tossed them chum (see Jaws the movie) and they would devour you on the subsequent attack. I didn’t necessarily agree but it was one of the most astonishing metaphors I’d ever heard and I wrote an essay about Perry and chumming that will appear in my forthcoming book about the crisis of Oregon homelessness.

Toward the end of my days in Sellwood, my newly adopted husky and I were out for a late morning walk when I saw Perry sitting in a chair outside his domicile wailing away on a harmonica, not playing anything recognizable. He loved the husky and previously warned me about needles on the ground. He waved me over.

I fished out a sawbuck (Dad taught me that phrase) and gave it to Perry. He asked about my state of mind. I said sadness gripped me, but I was also relieved at Dad’s death. He was ready to go. Those last weeks in hospice had been brutal.

Perry asked about my future. I said I wanted out of the big city. He asked where I wanted to go. Somewhere on the Southern Oregon Coast was my reply.

“Well, bring me back some ******** dungeness crab!” he yelled.

When a homeless man demands (with profanity) that you bring back dungeness crab, you better follow through.

“I’ll get you canned dungeness,” I said. “It’s damn good.”

“***** yeah!” Perry screamed.

Rest in peace Perry. I apologize for never returning to Portland and giving you that can of crab. Your great work in Sellwood will surely be missed. I got to know you when I lived there, that makes me lucky. Doubtless the landscaping in the traffic islands will need some weeding soon.

September 15, 2026

Recent Waves of Poetry

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Poetry, Writing

It began roughly nine months ago when I contemplated publishing a collection of my poems written over the past 30 years. That contemplation led to waves of new poems, 80 or so since then, and the imminent publication of a volume of 145 poems, an absurd and massive size. But this will be the only collection of poems of mine I will ever publish so I threw everything in.

One person, a total stranger when we met, instilled confidence in this project when she read a poem of mine about a heron rookery behind the cafe where she works. I thanked her for that the other day. One never knows what happens when a total stranger responds to a 15-line poem about that stranger’s surroundings. Usually indifference, but not in this case.

The last poem was written a few days ago after I observed a female delivery driver for Frito Lay working in the parking lot under a purple and orange sunrise. This is the last one and now I begin the design process, something definitely not my strength but I don’t have the services of my great collaborator who has disappeared off the face of the earth for no reason. I really need her on this book.

So, no more poems posted on the blog for the foreseeable future. The greatest creative burst of my life has finally come to an end. On to the next project.

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Teacher of the Year: A Novella

By Matt Love

A reluctant teacher becomes advisor to a moribund high school newspaper. He meets the new editor, a dynamic 18-year-old senior, and together they begin a unique creative collaboration that revives the publication and slowly slides into gray areas. As the poet Octavio Paz wrote, “To realize itself, love must violate the rules of our world...committed by two stars that break out of the conception of love, which implies breaking away and a catastrophe..."

Teacher of the Year
Amazon's Kindle Edition $6.99

Teacher of the Year unfolds in an energetic mixture of epistle, stream-of-consciousness, narrative and meditations on the craft and alchemy of teaching. There is no other more authentic literary exploration into the agonies and ecstasies of teaching in the annals of American literature than this novella.


A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems

By Matt Love

In perhaps the largest, most eclectic volume of previously unpublished poetry in the history of Pacific Northwest literature, Matt Love presents 148 poems written over a 30-year span.

As he writes in the introduction to A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems, “I have organized this collection into six categories: Ocean, Love, My Life, Oregon Tavern Age, Homelessness, Probation. These poems serve as a substantial but incomplete autobiography.”

“Confessionals, odes, scatological doggerel, polemics, tankas, haiku, prose, psalms, requiems, observations, love letters, lamentations, lyrics, stream of consciousness, meditations, lists, riffs, a eulogy, a sermon, a commencement speech, found poetry, tributes, elegies. I threw it all into an ancient cement mixer and hand cranked that concrete beast while watching blue herons undulate overhead and drinking red wine as the husky snoozed in his dirt fort. The result: A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems, something merging where Charles Bukowski, Richard Hugo, Mary Oliver and Liz Phair blend together.”

None of Love's poems were ever submitted to poetry journals, contests or magazines, making this collection a true renegade project of passion and readable to any denizen of a coastal dive bar.

Amazon's Kindle Edition $7.99 (Free if you have Kindle Unlimited)

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