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October 4, 2021

Amazon Man

Matt Love NSP Meditations

I was walking home on a Sunday morning after a stroll through the neighborhood. Rain threatened. My mind was writing up the encounters with the homeless I’d just experienced. Every time I take a walk or bike ride, I have such encounters. I never go out looking for them. They simply occur because the crisis is everywhere I look.

A young Black man dressed in an Amazon delivery uniform came walking toward me on the sidewalk. He was carrying a load of parcels on his shoulder. Odd? Amazon delivers early Sunday mornings?

As we got closer, I slowed down and we made eye contact. He looked exhausted and a bit dazed.

“Amazon delivers on Sundays?” I said.

“Yeah, this is my sixth day in a row,” he said. “I just started. I got one training and they sent me out.”

“You know, I really appreciate how hard you are working during a Pandemic. You are important.”

His face instantly changed to attention. He even cracked a little smile.

“You don’t know how much that means to me right now,” he said.

“There was so much talk from the politicians how important you front line workers are, then they won’t raise the fucking minimum wage and help front line workers.”

I surprised myself how excitable I just had become. I was ready to talk union with him!

“Yeah. I agree. They don’t really care.”

“You keep on working hard and I appreciate it.”

“I appreciate you telling me.”

We said our goodbyes and he went back to work.

September 29, 2021

Leaping Coho

Matt Love NSP Meditations

I had a few minutes to kill before a dental appointment. A city river beckoned, a river that flowed under an underrated Conde McCullough bridge.

My mind relished a little river time. Interesting thoughts always seem to arise within me when I visit a river.

I parked, got out, and made my way to the river. An astonishing number of fishermen lined the bank or stood in the gravel bar. It was eight thirty in the morning. Doesn’t anyone work in America anymore? Slackers. Wastrels. Layabouts.

It brought considerable elation to my heart that this many men (and a couple of women) were fishing on a weekday morning before or after work or when they were supposed to be working. It occurred to me that men and women still do this sort of thing in Oregon and when they stop, Oregon is truly dead.

My course paralleled the river. Some motion in the channel caught my eye. A fish jumped! It was undoubtedly a salmon heading upriver after recent heavy rain.

Then another fish jumped, clean out of the water!

I’ve seen salmon in the wild three times in my life. Each time it was totally unexpected and magical moment.

But those were sightings of salmon swimming underwater. I didn’t even realize salmon jumped like this outside of trying to scale a small barrier blocking their way upstream.

I stopped walking to watch the show. A fisherman below me turned my direction. Our eyes met.

“I’m seeing salmon jump!” I rhapsodized.

“I know. It’s insane. I can’t believe it,” he said.

“Are they Chinook?”

“No, coho.”

He turned around to get back to it.

I kept watching.

September 27, 2021

Oregon Tavern Age: Exhaustion and Laughter

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Oregon Tavern Age Oregon tavern age

I sat exhausted inside an urban OTA joint. It was my first visit. I’d just finished an energetic shift volunteering at a food pantry, There, I witnessed almost indescribable human suffering and endurance.

What a joint! Cinder block construction. Old Trail Blazer photos. A photograph of a presumably dead former party animal and patron. High tables. Rock and roll playing. Dark, but not too dark to write, but I didn’t feel like writing.

A tattooed, scantily clad, female and borderline OTA bartender greeted my warmly and filled my order for a craft malt liquor. It came served in a chilled glass. This made me remark that I couldn’t remember the last time a bar served beer in chilled glass. She laughed and said, “We like to care a bit more.”

I made my way to the outdoor patio. The bartender warned me there were some real characters out there, but they didn’t bite.

The patio was clouded with cigarette smoke and I took a seat in the rear to avoid it. I overheard five OTA women discuss their various man travails while drinking doubles of something.

I tried imagining what their men looked like, but failed. According to the drunken women, they were all drunken losers but they loved them anyway. I think there’s a country song about that, and if there isn’t, there should be.

After a spell, it got too noisy, so I went back inside and sat at a table in a corner that afforded me a maximum vantage point for any OTA hi jinks that might occur. At the moment, they weren’t any going on, but there were two loud OTA women hitting the sauce hard at the bar, so the prospects seemed good.

I sipped my beer and my mind drifted to to all my recent encounters with the homeless people of Portland. They continue to astound me. I keep documenting them, but frequently wonder why. Why not try and write something commercial? Why not try and get rich? Why not put my ass in chair and go for broke?

Forget it.

A strangely shaped OTA man in a pointy stocking cap entered the joint and took a seat.

One of the OTA women at the bar, a dirty blonde, immediately gave him the business, calling him a pussy, because he wasn’t drunk yet. Then she bought him a double vodka and pineapple and told him to get on it.

A beer distributor entered the joint with his tablet and went to work. The dirty blonde immediately informed him that she was now working at a bisexual bar and that he should visit and see her make out with another woman. He said he thought she had a boyfriend. That was last week, she said.

The women ordered more drinks. I could tell they wanted to ratchet up the vibe. It was almost two in the afternoon on a week day so why not?

The next 15 minutes was classic OTA theater with the dirty blonde in the starring role. It was raw and it was raunchy and I loved every profane minute of it. Her utter debauchery delighted me and got my mind off the earlier human misery I’d witnessed at the food pantry. The whole crew made me laugh.

It was time to go. I got up and walked up to the bar to return my glass. I plopped down a $5 bill on the counter and thanked the bartender for the giddiness of the joint. It was a tip to the house. As I turned away the dirty blonde roared something toward me about buying her a drink. I just smiled and said next time. And I would be back.

I was nearly at my car when someone called to me. I turned around and it was the dirty blonde. She had followed me out of the joint! I walked up to her.

She said I should come back inside for another drink. She’d buy. I said that was a nice gesture but I had to go. She smiled and said okay. Then she drifted away.

Back in the car, I laughed some more. Had I just been asked out? By an OTA?

September 24, 2021

Friends of Meditations (Heather the Writer)

Matt Love NSP Meditations homeless, newsletter, Portland, substack, writing

I want to remind readers that I have moved my content about the homeless over to a newsletter format called Substack. The newsletter is called The New American Diaspora and I believe I am turning out some of my most important and passionate writing of my career. I urge you to check it out at the web site below and subscribe (it’s free for the time being) and support this endeavor. I will continue to post other content on this blog. Below is the link to Substack and one of the pieces I recently posted.

https://mattlove.substack.com/

Heather the Writer

I exited the grocery store and the woman was still sitting on a concrete retaining wall and writing in what appeared to be a journal. In front of her was a cardboard sign that read: “Anything helps. The struggle is real.”

It was in the 80s and she had found some shade. She looked hard at work.

I had noticed her upon my entrance into the store and vowed to investigate after concluding my shopping. In recent weeks, I had sought better engagement with the homeless, although I didn’t really know what constituted “better.” Clearly, though, just random observation wasn’t cutting it anymore.

My groceries stored in the car, I walked over to the woman. I said hello.

She stared up at me and stopped writing. She had red curly hair, big eyes and a face with a road map carved into the skin.

“I see you’re writing. What are you writing about?” I said.

“About being homeless and addicted. I want to write a book.”

“What are you going to title it?”

“I don’t know.”

She spoke softly and with precision and always made eye contact. I had absolutely no idea how old she might be.

“Do you live around here?” I said.

“I live on 122nd and Burnside. It’s disgusting,” she said.

“So you take the bus to over here?”

“Yes, it’s much quieter, the people are nice and I can write.”

A writer often wants to leave a noisy and combative living situation and find a quiet place to write. When Raymond Carver started writing, he often left his contentious home in Clatskanie for the inside of his vehicle parked in the driveway.

“I don’t know how you do it,” I said.

She hesitated then said, “I learned the body can survive incredible temperatures, hot and cold.”

I pulled out my walled and extricated a $5 bill. I handed it to her. She took it.

“This is to help out,” I said.

“Thank you.”

“Good luck.”

I returned to my car, opened the door, then closed it. I walked back to the woman.

She was writing.

“I don’t mean to interrupt,” I said. “But I would be interested in reading some of your writing.”

“You would?”

“I am writer, you’re a writer, and I want to pay you for your writing. Writer should get paid for writing.”

It sounded like a mini manifesto and maybe it was.

I tell you what,” I said, “I want to commission a piece of writing from you.”

I reached into my pocket and pulled out all the loose cash. It wasn’t much.

“Here’s six bucks, for one page or two of anything you want to write. You can tear it out of your journal if you want.”

I handed her the money and she took it. A look of surprise registered on her face.

“Thank you so much,” she said. “I’ll do it.”

“I want to support your project. I shop here on a regular basis so I can pick up the piece when you finish it. This is my regular time.”

“What’s your name?” she said.

“Matt.”

“I’m Heather.”

“Nice to meet you Heather. I hope to see you again.”

With that, I left. The plan was to return in a couple of days. She had a deadline, I think.

September 22, 2021

On Self Righteousness and Perry Mason

Matt Love NSP Meditations

My Dad and I were watching an episode of Perry Mason the other morning and Perry was talking to the wealthy founder of an investment banking firm on behalf of his client. The client had worked brilliantly to enrich the founder but when he was accused of murder the founder fired him immediately because he didn’t want his company’s reputation stained. He said this with a smarmy, self righteous manner. He had no time to see how the case played out, which really meant he had no time for the truth or justice, although those outcomes are rarely the result of adjudication in the American legal system.

The founder’s self righteousness rankled Perry. He grilled the founder on his rush to judgment and wondered how any company led my such a self righteous man could have ever lasted as long as it had.

It occurred to me watching the show that Perry Mason crusades for justice, the wrongly accused and the downtrodden but never in a self righteous manner. Not once in all 250+ episodes. He never rushes to judgment like virtually everyone else does (and this was decades before social media and how that disease has enabled rushes to judgment with exponential speed).

Perry insisted the man was premature in his beliefs. There is always more than meets the eye, which is a great saying but nearly lost in American culture as a course of thought.

So many people, on the Left and Right (although the Left is probably worse) enjoy taking the low road, the gutter, with their instant judgments that highlight their self righteousness. There is no hesitation, let alone deliberation. Reckless and bandwagon judgment is one of the most distasteful and dangerous traits a person can practice, It is also as easy as walking through air.

If only we had more Perry Masons around.

I can’t think of another show that makes re reflect on ethics like this show does. That’s why I watch it with my Dad every weekday morning.

September 21, 2021

Oregon Tavern Age: And So It Goes

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Oregon Tavern Age Oregon tavern age

Friday afternoon. A semi strip mall that had seen better days. I sat at a table inside an OTA joint that was part of the strip mall. AC-DC’s “Back in Black” played. It was inconsequential, like all of classic rock is anymore. But not classic soul. That music is more relevant today than during its 70s heyday.

Next door was a sex shop. For a moment I thought about sitting outside and see who patronized a sex shop in strip mall, but a strange OMA (Oregon Meth Age) woman was sitting there holding court and drinking white wine and I just wasn’t in the mood for insanity.

So inside it was. The joint’s interior vibed 1986. A few stray OTAs drank drinks and shot the shit. I was drinking a craft malt liquor and wondering about the sorry state of America. A poster advertising Budweiser arrested my attention. It boasted “Now Brewed with Wind Power.”

Would that mean it now wouldn’t taste like piss?

I caught a drift of conversation from one group of OTAs. They were mocking their dumbshit OTA counterparts in rural Oregon for refusing the vaccine. “Fuck em! Let em die!” one man said.

Hard to argue with that these days. A while back, I did. Not anymore.

A lending library caught my eye. I got up and checked it out. All crap, but at least there were books in the joint. I made a mental note to stash some of my books in the library when I returned. Maybe someone would read one of the titles. Then I wouldn’t be a book writer who writes books that nobody reads.

I looked out the open back door. Wind whipped through the trees. A rainstorm was forecast for that evening. I relished the prospect. I’d make a pea soup during the deluge, drink red wine, listen to Miles Davis and work on another book that nobody was going to read. Or I might get in the car and drive to a homeless encampment I hadn’t seen yet and check the action. The resident there would curse the rain. Or would they? Never assume anything with rain.

An OTA man walked in and ordered a coke. He told his friends he was eight days on the wagon He was asked if it was for good.

“Yes,” he said. “at least until I drink again.”

They then launched into a reminiscence about how they got completely fucked up out of their minds in Vegas recently and that they had intended NOT drinking during their visit. But the Budweiser girls were in Bikinis in all the Casinos and giving away free beer, so what the hell?

To quote Kurt Vonnegut: And so it goes.

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Teacher of the Year: A Novella

By Matt Love

A reluctant teacher becomes advisor to a moribund high school newspaper. He meets the new editor, a dynamic 18-year-old senior, and together they begin a unique creative collaboration that revives the publication and slowly slides into gray areas. As the poet Octavio Paz wrote, “To realize itself, love must violate the rules of our world...committed by two stars that break out of the conception of love, which implies breaking away and a catastrophe..."

Teacher of the Year
Amazon's Kindle Edition $6.99

Teacher of the Year unfolds in an energetic mixture of epistle, stream-of-consciousness, narrative and meditations on the craft and alchemy of teaching. There is no other more authentic literary exploration into the agonies and ecstasies of teaching in the annals of American literature than this novella.


A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems

By Matt Love

In perhaps the largest, most eclectic volume of previously unpublished poetry in the history of Pacific Northwest literature, Matt Love presents 148 poems written over a 30-year span.

As he writes in the introduction to A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems, “I have organized this collection into six categories: Ocean, Love, My Life, Oregon Tavern Age, Homelessness, Probation. These poems serve as a substantial but incomplete autobiography.”

“Confessionals, odes, scatological doggerel, polemics, tankas, haiku, prose, psalms, requiems, observations, love letters, lamentations, lyrics, stream of consciousness, meditations, lists, riffs, a eulogy, a sermon, a commencement speech, found poetry, tributes, elegies. I threw it all into an ancient cement mixer and hand cranked that concrete beast while watching blue herons undulate overhead and drinking red wine as the husky snoozed in his dirt fort. The result: A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems, something merging where Charles Bukowski, Richard Hugo, Mary Oliver and Liz Phair blend together.”

None of Love's poems were ever submitted to poetry journals, contests or magazines, making this collection a true renegade project of passion and readable to any denizen of a coastal dive bar.

A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems

Print Edition

$21.99 + $4 Shipping


Amazon's Kindle Edition $7.99 (Free if you have Kindle Unlimited)

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