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A Blog by Matt Love
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June 7, 2024

Wagon Train

Matt Love NSP Meditations

Down the block, what appeared as a covered wagon straight out of a phony B Western rolled through an intersection of my neighborhood.

Except for this covered wagon was being pulled by a man wearing a harness of some kind.

I was driving and halted at a STOP sign. Gray clouds dominated the sky.

Yes, a mini covered wagon. I’d seen them before around town. One of the neighborhood homeless men lived in one constructed upon a tiny trailer.

The coast was clear and I began to to take my foot off the brake when I looked up and saw another covered wagon behind the first one. It was being pushed by a woman.

Another covered wagon followed closely behind. Then another. The last one had a mutt riding on top.

I stared at a homeless wagon train and they rolled down the street, not the sidewalk.

Did they have a Ward Bond-type as leader? Did they eat beans and drink coffee around a campfire?

I’ve written elsewhere about this reverse modern Oregon Trail—a wagon train heading not to the mythic Promised Land and starting over with a homestead. But journeying an urban trail of survival and dissipation.

Do they circle the wagons at night?

June 5, 2024

Watching Trump’s Trial on CNN While My Dad Wants to Die

Matt Love NSP Meditations

Dad fell in his apartment at the assisted living center. An ambulance transported him to the OHSU emergency room. I got the call at 5:30 in the morning right as I was ready to take Elmer for our customary walk.

Driving to OHSU I thought: is this it? Is this how this ends for Dad? For me in Portland?

I waited for ten minutes and then was ushered in to see Dad. The ER doctor told me he didn’t suffer serious injury and there was no evidence he’d hit his head. Dad had no recollection how he fell.

We occupied a treatment room for the next eight hours while nurses, orderlies and doctors attended to him. His care was uncoordinated, contradictory but I didn’t say anything. The treatment room itself was an de facto museum to former methods of intra-hospital communication. Why not remove them?

I brought along my journal I keep in the car and during the eight hours, wrote the single longest continuous entry since I started keeping journals in 1979. I might have written another book.

From time to time I turned on CNN and watched CNN talking heads analyze the prosecution’s closing arguments in Trump’s “Porn Star Hush Money Case.”

I could only stomach five minutes of the broadcast and then turned it off. In the intervals of watching and writing in my journal, Dad would ask me to take him to the river and let him walk in and float away.

Then it was to procure him a .45 automatic.

Then it was “Call Dr. Kevorkian.”

We discussed Dr. Death and how American culture simply is too immature to understand death and its non spiritual role in the ecology of the world. Our culture prolongs death and existential suffering for idiotic religious reasons and perfectly sound multi-trillion dollar reasons.

I told Dad to knock it off about me assisting him in dying. If he wanted to do it himself, so be it. I wouldn’t be upset but if he fucked it up, he might end up in a vegetative state and rot without ever having a sentient thought again or conversation with me.

That shut him up.

“Besides,” “we got a hundred smackers bet with the universe that you’ll live long enough to see Trump imprisoned or dead.”

He laughed.

June 3, 2024

Oregon Tavern Age: A Monologue

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Oregon Tavern Age

Overheard at a degenerate OTA joint in Portland on a weekday afternoon. Spoken by an OTA woman sitting at the bar drinking a hard seltzer and shot of whiskey:

I don’t give two fucks less for that dipshit. Fuck his daughter. She’s a loser and she won’t work.

Cheetos in a taco? Fuck that!

Look, when the tacos are out motherfucker, there ain’t no more fucking tacos.

I’m not driving that drunk bitch home again from here. She can sleep in her shitty car.

I’m fucking sick from of these same hard seltzers.

I can’t wait to get out of my fucking house and my fuckwit roommate. He gets up at 4:00 a.m. to take a dump and plays the radio. Fuck that.

Whatcha McFuck!

I’ve got to sell my convertible. I’m broke.

Nobody in the fucking place can park.

People that know me know I’m here. Christ that sounds terrible.

Thanks for fucking cutting me off the other day. I could barely walk out of here.

If you get cut off, don’t be a fucking dick.

If I knew how much money I spent in this fucking joint I’d kick my ass.

I got laid off two weeks ago so I’m drinking on my credit card.

I used to fuck dick but now it’s strictly pussy. When I’m drunk I think about dick. (Female bartender agrees.)

I was here for six hours and my tab was only 30 bucks. That’s pretty fucking good. I can usually drink that in an hour if I get the shots going.

Tim’s in rehab and he needs to get a real fucking job.

Arlene’s in the hospital and needs a pacemaker. She shouldn’t drink or smoke. I’m glad I only drink. Fuck, I only smoke when I drink.

God I miss the ’80s.

If only I could write like dialogue like this.

May 29, 2024

Bill Walton and the Secret Weapon to the Portland Trail Blazers Winning the NBA title in 1977

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Oregon Coast_History, Sports 76-77 NBA title, Bill Walton, cannabis, marijuana, portland trail blazers, pot

Bill Walton, the legendary former center of the Portland Trail Blazers’ 1976-77 NBA championship season, has died.

With his passing, I am now free to reveal the incredible story of the secret weapon that helped Walton lead his team to the title in six games over the Philadelphia 76ers. I consider it the greatest pot smoking story, sports or otherwise, in the annals of American history. Thomas Jefferson’s cannabis habit is second.

In 2002 I met a man named Jim Greer in Astoria where I was staging an event to assist the research for my forthcoming book about Vortex I, the state-sponsored rock festival staged outside of Estacada, Oregon in the summer of 1970. It had, and still has, the distinction of being the only event of its kind in American history. At the presentation I mentioned that I was working on a trilogy of modern Oregon history and after the Vortex book, I planned on releasing a history of the Blazers’ 76-77 championship season.

Greer was in the audience and came up to me after the presentation to say he had attended Vortex, mostly in the nude, and remembered it primarily because he suffered a bee sting on his penis.

He told me that funny story but wanted to tell me a much better story, this one about Bill Walton and that magical NBA playoff run that gripped Portland and all of Oregon in such a frenzy that is almost impossible to describe unless you were there—and I was and that’s why I wanted to publish a book about the spectacle.

Greer took down my phone number and said he would call me soon and share the story. I thought he was shining me on and I’d never hear from him again.

He called a few days later. I got his story:

Greer knew and was good friends with Walton when he lived in Portland in the 70s. (Bill still sent him Christmas cards.) He owned and operated a natural foods store (Nature’s if I recall correctly) in the hippie Lair Hill district in Southwest Portland off Corbett Avenue. Walton had been drafted by the Blazers out of UCLA with the first pick in the 1974 NBA draft and was a strict vegetarian with a decidedly counterculture lifestyle and radical left leaning views.

They met at the store and became friends. Greer became his pot dealer. According to Greer, Walton didn’t drink all that much and he found smoking pot after a game helped him relax and unwind in ways alcohol could not. Alcohol also dehydrated Bill and he didn’t want that after so much physical exertion.

During the playoff run, Greer accompanied Walton on away games to Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles and Philadelphia. The team flew commercial in those days. Thus, it wasn’t possible for Greer to carry grass on the plane with him on his person or luggage without the high probability of being arrested.

His job, he told me, was to check in with Walton at the team’s hotel and then venture out and procure some pot!

And score Greer did, the Blazers won it all, and Walton earned MVP honors for his performance against the 76ers.

As Greer unfolded his extraordinary tale, I doubted its veracity and peppered him with questions. He answered them all.

I have no idea if Blazer management knew what I was doing. I was just considered a personal assistant to Bill. No one ever said anything to me.

No, there were no other players I scored pot for.

I smoked it first before giving it to Bill.

You want proof I was there. Go to the Blazers’ practice facility and look in the trophy case where the championship trophy is. There is a photograph of me in the locker room during the celebration after game six. I’m toward the back. There’s your proof.

A week later, I was standing in front of the trophy case of the Blazers’ practice facility in Tigard.

There Jim Greer, 25 years younger, was in the photograph. There was no doubt it was him.

In 2007, I published Red Hot and Rollin’: A Retrospection of the Portland Trail Blazers’ 1976-77 Championship Season, an anthology of personal essays and primary documents related to that monumental cultural moment. I begged Greer to let me include his story. He refused out of loyalty to Bill Walton and I honored his wishes. I opened the book with a cryptic essay called “Letter to a Source” where I hinted there was something far out going on with the Blazer victory and it had nothing to do with basketball. There was some kind of secret weapon at work.

I don’t know if Jim is dead. I haven’t heard from him since the book’s publication. I always wanted to ask Walton about his secret weapon. He never mentioned in both his two boring memoirs. He also refused to meet me for 15 minutes at any airport in the country for an interview for the book.

So be it. He was a titan in Oregon’s cultural history and I wish his spirit well.

And who can ever forget his mammoth dunk over Kareem Abdul Jabbar in the Western Conference Finals against the LA Lakers. It’s one of the greatest dunks in NBA history and easily the greatest shot in this history of the Portland Trail Blazers. No doubt he toked out after that one.

May 27, 2024

At the Siuslaw Jetty

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Oregon Beaches Florence, siuslaw river

Elmer the husky and I were on a early morning adventure together. The plan was to explore the beach at the South Jetty of the Siuslaw River near Florence.

For me, it was going to be a particularly special experience. This site was the only coastal jetty I had yet to visit. From the Columbia to the Chetco Rivers, I had seen them all except the Siulsaw.

I wonder how many Oregonians have seen all the coastal jetties? Some of my most remarkable beach stories have occurred there and there is a reason for that—these places attract atypical beachcombers and in many cases you can park a vehicle near the jetties (even atop one at the Rogue River!) and watch waves, seals (sometimes surfers), ospreys and fishermen bobbing in their boats or actually fishing off the rocks. It’s like a drive-in nature movies at these spots.

We made the turn off Highway 101 and entered a federal recreation area. From this point, it was a 20-mile drive through the dunes to the jetty. We saw deer and birds, shore pines and scotch broom. The weather was sunny and mild. I had my new great maniacal dog with me and felt happy and energized. I was thinking a lot about the Steve Prefontaine book I was writing.

At various places, the road paralleled the ocean and I saw many parking lots with beach access. This being a federal area, access costs a fee and I will never pay a fee to use Oregon’s socialist ocean beaches. It says it right there in the landmark 1967 Beach Bill, “…The free and uninterrupted use thereof..” Case closed forever.

We reached the Siuslaw River and I saw the South Jetty. Across the river in the hills were million dollar mansions with multi-million dollar views of the Pacific.

I turned left and saw a sign that I was entering a state park…so no fee to park!.

The road led west and turned to gravel. I slowed down to ten miles around.

Then I saw one, no two, then three battered vehicles parked off the road and near the jetty. They were clearly mobile domiciles and you don’t need to ask my how I knew. I just did.

I have seen these mobile domiciles all over Oregon but their appearance at the South Jetty surprised me. It was a long way to Florence for gas and supplies.

But that million dollar view. That living at the ocean’s edge. I understand that for sure.

Someone living out of their vehicles needed this view.

None of the rigs had garbage around them. They all looked tight and ready to roll out at any minute. I saw one man inside smoking. I saw a little dog in one passenger seat.

I parked the car, leashed up Elmer and we headed to the beach at the jetty. It was a quarter mile walk through the dunes to reach the beach.

There, I let Elmer run free and he went berserk. Nobody else was around. We played ball and I took some photographs. I sat down on a log, Elmer came over, and we ate our breakfast of hard boiled eggs, apple and cheese.

We took a different trail back to the parking lot. It directed me through a field of driftwood. At one point, I looked down to my left and saw a van from the 90s parked at such an angle that it afforded a perfect view of the entrance to the jetty. How the van found its way there seemed impossible to imagine.

We passed it from 20 yards away and I saw a little propane stove and binoculars on a makeshift table. I smelled bacon. So did Elmer.

May 22, 2024

Three Poems About the Homeless

Matt Love NSP Meditations, Poetry

A Dark Figure

A dark figure

stands at the entrance of a lighted church.

Elmer the husky and I

walk the neighborhood at 5:30 AM.

No moon or stars seen in the sky.

I see the figure.

I know it’s a homeless man

because I see the homeless

almost every morning on our walks.

Think about that regularity.

It still astonishes me.

We approach him.

I lead Elmer off the sidewalk

to give us some distance

to go around.

I don’t like feeling that way,

but it happens sometimes.

He’s smoking a cigarette.

He’s tall, young, bearded, contorted.

He’s looking up at the sky,

gesticulating,

pointing,

raging,

but utterly silent.

If there had been stars,

just one,

or the moon,

even a sliver,

I might understand.

There is nothing

but black.

Usually, I say good morning

to the homeless.

Not this morning.

Bark Chip Artist

It’s 5:30 in the morning.

A purple and orange outline

of Mt. Hood forms in the eastern sky.

A planet’s up there, too,

but I can’t name it.

I learned nothing useful

in junior high science.

Worm dissections and

petri dish molds.

Never one lesson

about watersheds.

I walk Elmer the maniacal husky through the park.

Time for another encounter

with the homeless.

Perhaps walk into

an arresting image

to inspire a poem.

We pass a young homeless

man smoking a cigarette

and fiddling on his phone.

I say good morning.

He doesn’t look up.

No poem there.

Fifty yards later,

a homeless man approaches.

He walks crooked and shuffling.

We meet.

I say good morning.

He grunts something

in return

I don’t catch it

but I think it

sounded cordial.

Nothing like a cordial grunt

for a greeting.

Possible poem there.

We cross the bridge

where below the old beaver lurks.

A can of Coors

rests on a rail.

I see a homeless man

carrying a bag of cans and bottles

across the street.

I call out to him about the can.

He says, thank you

and crosses the street.

No poem there.

But possible greeting card.

Geese honk overhead.

Freight trains lurch and decouple.

Elmer and I keep moving.

We hit the bark chip path,

lit up by lampposts,

and pass the

split oak

and fallen cedar.

Down the path

I see a homeless man

meander.

He stops and

scratches out something

in the bark chips

with his right foot.

He’s designing something.

He’s not scraping

dog shit of his shoes.

Art is happening!

Maybe a haiku!

I’ve got to see what he’s creating!

The man turns right

and disappears across a bridge.

Elmer and I move forward.

I stop and behold the artist’s design:

It’s giant penis with testicles.

It’s ejaculating!

Definitely got a poem here.

Smooth Extrication

Movement outside my front window.

I move to investigate.

A gnarled and bearded

homeless man,

sorts through

my neighbor’s garbage can

with a homemade

claw of a tool.

This? Maybe.

No.

Not this.

This.

The claw extricates a garment.

The extrication is silky smooth.

A gray WSU hoodie.

He inspects it.

He folds it neatly, tight.

He sets it on his wagon.

My neighbor must have thought

the hoodie too dirty and threadbare to donate.

It makes me wonder what I’ve thrown away

that still had purpose.

The claw extricates another garment.

Even smoother this time.

A gray WSU sweatshirt.

He inspects it.

He folds it neatly, tight.

He sets it atop the hoodie.

He makes me think of my

dead Uncle Dale.

A clothes horse

who hung up his

t-shirts on hangers

and arranged them by color.

Someone, somewhere

along the way

taught this man

how to fold clothes

like this.

His form didn’t develop

on its own.

He’s been doing

it his whole life

and he’s now in his

40s or 50s.

«‹ 49 50 51 52›»

Teacher of the Year: A Novella

By Matt Love

A reluctant teacher becomes advisor to a moribund high school newspaper. He meets the new editor, a dynamic 18-year-old senior, and together they begin a unique creative collaboration that revives the publication and slowly slides into gray areas. As the poet Octavio Paz wrote, “To realize itself, love must violate the rules of our world...committed by two stars that break out of the conception of love, which implies breaking away and a catastrophe..."

Teacher of the Year
Amazon's Kindle Edition $6.99

Teacher of the Year unfolds in an energetic mixture of epistle, stream-of-consciousness, narrative and meditations on the craft and alchemy of teaching. There is no other more authentic literary exploration into the agonies and ecstasies of teaching in the annals of American literature than this novella.


A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems

By Matt Love

In perhaps the largest, most eclectic volume of previously unpublished poetry in the history of Pacific Northwest literature, Matt Love presents 148 poems written over a 30-year span.

As he writes in the introduction to A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems, “I have organized this collection into six categories: Ocean, Love, My Life, Oregon Tavern Age, Homelessness, Probation. These poems serve as a substantial but incomplete autobiography.”

“Confessionals, odes, scatological doggerel, polemics, tankas, haiku, prose, psalms, requiems, observations, love letters, lamentations, lyrics, stream of consciousness, meditations, lists, riffs, a eulogy, a sermon, a commencement speech, found poetry, tributes, elegies. I threw it all into an ancient cement mixer and hand cranked that concrete beast while watching blue herons undulate overhead and drinking red wine as the husky snoozed in his dirt fort. The result: A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems, something merging where Charles Bukowski, Richard Hugo, Mary Oliver and Liz Phair blend together.”

None of Love's poems were ever submitted to poetry journals, contests or magazines, making this collection a true renegade project of passion and readable to any denizen of a coastal dive bar.

A Substantial but Incomplete Autobiography in Poems

Print Edition

$21.99 + $4 Shipping


Amazon's Kindle Edition $7.99 (Free if you have Kindle Unlimited)

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