Corona Virus Thoughts #11

Corona Virus Thoughts, NSP Meditations

More people are losing it. Many already have.

A man running a chainsaw for no reason and cutting down wooden parking barriers. A man carrying a lunch pail walking down a street with his jeans around his ankles. A large bearded man with his shirt rolled up to reveal his gut wearing a black sneaker and a white sneaker (different brands) in a bookstore. There will be more sightings, in the coming weeks and months (years?), a lot more.

I wonder if someone thinks I’ve lost it when they see me building driftwood forts? They would be wrong if they did.

The President of the United States touts the expertise of a quack who believes alien DNA is part of human physiology, meaning at some point in human history humans had demon sex with creatures from outer space.

The fools running the pro sports leagues persist in playing sports in empty arenas and stadiums. That’s what is important to them. They believe millionaire pro athletes will abide by the social distancing guidelines. Sure they will. Just like the poor people are.

The Feds have announced they are pulling out of downtown Portland. They got their asses kicked.

A woman dressed in bright yellow and orange has set up shop in a vacant lot along 101 to gather signatures to force a recall vote on Governor Brown. I won’t sign it but I admire her pluck. She got off her ass to sit on her ass and keep some blood pumping through the First amendment’s largely ignored right to petition to redress grievances. You still have to gather them in person in Oregon and elsewhere, to qualify ballots and recalls for a real vote. I wonder if that will ever change. I hope not. Nor should the paper ballot ever go away. Just don’t make people wait in lines, (often outside in terrible weather) drive long distances, and rely on piece-of-shit voting machines hacked by foreign governments.

When are they going to release all nonviolent offender serving absurdly long sentences for non violent crimes?

The virus rages on through America. Our diseased body politic was ripe for invasion. That is not a metaphor.

A day or so ago, I encountered an Oregon Lottery employee unmasked while inside a store checking on Keno and other gambling matters. He was an older white man. I confronted him. I asked if he was a state employee. Yes. You are required to wear a mask. I need to tell you something about masks. I’m not interested in your opinion. The Governor of Oregon has mandated them. You are breaking the law. I’m an Oregon citizen complying with the law. He didn’t say anything. He just stood there and looked dumbfounded and stupid. I made my purchase and left. I walked by his state rig. I considered taking a picture of it and contacting his supervisor. But I am not quite there yet. I let him know. He might consider my words. Probably not since he was maskless in the first place. If I see him again like this in the performance of his duties, I will take the next step.

Three Excerpts From Lark Jameson’s Stories

NSP Meditations

I’m helping promote one of my author client’s project, a collection of 18 e-stories available individually or in a bundle on Amazon. Just got to Amazon books and search for her name. Below are three short excerpts from her stories. Lark often sets her tales in the great outdoors of the Pacific Northwest and manages to insert some truly hilarious and pointed cultural commentary. Check it out and support a writer making a go of it for the first time.

Easter Sunday (excerpt)

Amy only went to church this one time a year, strictly as a favor to her evangelical mother. And it wasn’t even for the service and the fire and brimstone from the preacher man pounding the pulpit in his bad suit with a tortured Jesus in agony crucified up on the wall behind him.

No, it was for the potluck afterward, held in the basement. Amy did at least that for her mother. Years ago, she had quit the service but kept attending the potluck for an hour and then hit some bars with her friends and regale them with absurd stories from the event.

Oh Jesus the potlucks! The shredded carrots in green jello, the green bean casserole, the glazed ham, the scalloped potatoes, the fried chicken, the gravy, gravy, gravy. The men in their cheap wrinkled suits. Their doting wives and girlfriends in sackcloth. The lite Christian rock lilting through the air. Was there anything less sexy in the world than a Christian potluck?

The Influencer (excerpt)

Cheyenne crouched low in a ripe wheat field holding a black combat knife with an eight-inch serrated blade in her right hand. She was poised to slash, strike and gut. She’d been practicing for days in her Portland apartment. Now was the time! Die terrorist motherfucker!

She was somewhere in the plateau country of Central Oregon on a fiery Friday afternoon in August. Sweat poured off her lean brown body, darkening her camouflage-colored panties and bra. She wore a camouflage headband and sweatbands, and streaks of eye black on her cheeks and forehead. A black army utility belt around her waist held a leather sheath. She also wore black combat boots.

Yeah it was hotter than a sinner in hell, Luckily, a breeze blew across the field every now and then, rippling the wheat and giving the scene an honest-to-goodness Rambo-meets-Amber-Waves-of-Grain vibe.

Stream Survey (an excerpt)

What an afternoon in late August! Earlier that morning in Lark’s job as stream surveyor, she’d seen water dippers galore, a fox watch her from the bank, and ospreys duke it out in mid air to see who kept the eel. She loved being out in nature, in the creeks and rivers, gliding through and with the current, listening, sensing, working, getting worked up. It was an ancient aphrodisiac a million times more powerful than anything found on Porn Hub.

Lark Jameson’s Story Summaries

NSP Meditations , , ,

All this week I am helping promote the erotica writing of one of my author clients, Lark Jameson. Below are the summaries of her 18 stories available on Amazon as singles or specially-priced bundle. You don’t have to own a Kindle device to read these. They can be read in the Kindle Cloud. Lark’s writing is often hilarious, brazen and definitely a throw-back to earlier days when erotica was called smut. Check it out!

Tree Planting

Sultry Ravynn had been a bad girl and had to perform community service. She chose tree planting because no way she was picking up trash. At the planting site, Rayvnn meets Ranger Tom who shows her how to plant trees. She does a terrible job and when Ranger Tom discovers this, he makes her perform a different kind of community service.

The Ball Shed

Sassy and sexed-up Isabel takes a tennis class. She used to be a star player. Super hot Mitch is her instructor and won’t give her the time of day, that is, until he gets her in the ball shed and puts on Prince’s “Cream.” Anyone for tennis and some deep strokes?

The Culvert

Matt and Annette were the greatest and wildest lovers but couldn’t make it work as partners. They remained the best of friends. Annette has a new lover and wants to introduce her to Matt, for his discreet approval. They all three take a hike in the woods along a creek where they come to a large culvert. Matt and Annette want to explore it, but Annette’s new lover is claustrophobic, refuses, and continues on the hike, and suggests they meet up later. Big mistake to leave Matt and Annette alone! They enter the culvert from both ends, and well, the steamy action begins there.

Stream Survey

On her final day on the job as a stream surveyor, in weltering heat, Lark surveys a a lot more than just a stream. She’s got her eyes glued on her gorgeous colleague Brook, but, alas, he doesn’t seem all that interested. He will soon, though, once Lark peels off ther wet suit and forgets all about her nerd husband at home playing video games.

Fire Lookout

Precocious Jade had a promising career in the Forest Service. That is, until she refused the crude advances of her Good Ol’ Boy supervisor and he banished her to the middle of nowhere—a Fire Lookout in the Cascade Range. One week on the four-month gig, Jade is about ready to lose her mind. Then, her supplies via mule train arrive and she gets a look at the hot muleskinner, Zane. Wow! Sparks ignite immediately and threaten to incinerate them in their lust and start a forest fire that could burn down a million acres.

Health Care

Cierra is a bartender and gorgeous single mom with three kids desperately in need of better health care that she can’t possibly afford. Karl is the charming and sexy new English teacher in town who has great health insurance. He grades papers in Cierra’s bar and they strike up a friendship. Karl learns of Cierra’s kids’ medical woes and pitches a bold plan to get her on his health care coverage. Very bold. Will Cierra accept the deal?

The Philosopher

Randee is a goddess rock star who bailed on Portland to live and make music in a fishing village on the Oregon Coast. One morning jogging around the port, she sees a ruggedly handsome man reading a book on a bench. She changes course to investigate, because, well, as the saying goes, “reading is sexy” and Randee is a voracious reader herself. His name is Jason and he’s a carpenter from Portland who happens to be reading Albert Camus. He informs Randee that he’s developing an idea for a book of personal philosophy based on something that Camus wrote: that a life of cold chastity is superior to a life of hot sex. And in fact, he has embarked on a course of celibacy this very morning. Randee can’t believe it! She won’t stand for it! She invites Jason back to her mansion, determined to change Jason’s mind by any means possible about the alleged virtues of chastity. She might even get a hit song out of it.

Suspension Bridge

Foxy Shaylene tests all her prospective lovers in one precise way—take them on a grueling hike and see if they can hack it. If they can, they might get a shot at her hotbox. Brad is up for the challenge when Shaylene invites him to join her on a hike to the highest suspension bridge in Oregon. Shaylene always leads the way on hikes, but when they start to cross the bridge, Brad takes over, and the bridge starts swaying like never before.

Easter Sunday

Saucy and agnostic Amy is sauced up on her way to an Easter Sunday potluck in the basement of her mother’s mega church. She doesn’t want to go and taste any of the damn casseroles but her mother’s relentless guilt tripping always makes the prodigal daughter return and put in an appearance. But before the fried chicken and Jello salads, Amy stops in a mega home improvement center to pick up some gardening tools. There, she meets a clerk named Lazarus, a choice cut of beefcake who also happens to be a student at a nearby seminary training to become a preacher. Things heat up between them and Amy does her naughty worst to initiate Lazarus into the sins of the flesh on this holiest of days. And, as for what happens in the break room, well. Jesus wept.

The Principal

Statuesque and sex-deprived Principal Tania has a highly unusual method for hiring any new male teacher: If a candidate makes her orgasm in her office, he gets the job. One day, a super stud named Robert Burns interviews for an English teaching position at Tania’s school and he turns the tables on her hiring method in a way the insatiable Principal never imagined in her wildest fantasies.

Rutting Season

Laurel and Neil are a sexless couple like so many couples in America, and are at a loss on how to reignite former passion. Couples therapy had been an expensive joke led by a neutered quack. After dual epiphanies during a rainstorm, they hit on the idea of a kink road trip to some hick town on the Oregon Coast to spice things up. Along the way, they encounter elk in the midst of rutting season and this inspires a little rutting season of their own—inside their Kia Soul!

The Fort Builder

Single and 40-something Danielle is a frustrated art photographer in the big city. She can’t seem to crack the big-time galleries. After receiving yet another rejection, Danielle considers quitting her one true passion in life, and drives to the beach to figure it out. She almost leaves her camera behind, but at the last second brings it along. On the beach, with the sun setting, she discovers a series of forts constructed from driftwood and their strange beauty mesmerizes her. She also meets Jesse, the fort builder, whose strange beauty mesmerizes her as well. As a bonfire rages nearby, Jesse builds a fort and Danielle takes out her camera, begins documenting this amazing man at work, and finds herself becoming turned on beyond belief. If she would only make the first move…she does!

The Influencer

Sexy and sassy Cheyenne is a star Instagram Influencer for products such as power tools and weapons. One hot summer afternoon on a selfie shoot in a ripe wheat field, she meets Alex, a gorgeous lineman for the county out on a job. He doesn’t even know what Instagram is! He invites Cheyenne for a ride in his bucket and she agrees. And up, up, up in the air, is when the action begins to sizzle.

Drug Store Panties

Dreamy Kat has a fetish for panties. She wears outrageous images on her panties to derange men and invite them to dive over a cliff into sheer lust. They willingly do. On a road trip down the coast in her bitchin’ new Wolf Pup camper, Kat discovers a throwback drug store selling vintage panties. She buys up all the stock and then repairs to a dive bar to scroll up a local hunk to turn on. But in the bar, Kat meets a sad sack named Sonny writing a poem about panties to his ex girlfriend who recently dumped him. What the hell? Kat’s determined to seduce the poet and deliver him from depression. And she’ll need all her supreme pantie power to succeed.

Beaver Man

Mandy is a lust-fueled real estate agent who always seals her deals with raunchy sex. She’s bored out of her mind and just got assigned the most unmarketable property in the state, a shack on 20 acres of swampland teeming with beavers. By some miracle, a prospective buyer for the property emerges. His name is James and he’s a bodaciously hot biologist and expert on beavers! Once Mandy and James meet at the shack, Mandy knows she’s finally met her kink match in the Beaver Man.

Nurse Daisy Christmas

Christmas is fast approaching and drug addled and vixen-like Nurse Daisy is sick of screwing married doctors. One morning on the way to work, she drives right on past the hospital and hits the highway for adventure. She lands in a disheveled RV park where she meets Lance, who’s walking the entire length of the Oregon Coast and writing a book about the experience. They drink a little wine by the fire, he breaks out a guitar, they go into his tent, and, well, Merry Christmas Nurse Daisy!

The Mushroom Forager

Sky’s life is a total wreck. Another Portland business has gone under. She needs clarification and a new path. She travels to the ocean on a lark after walking out of an absurd therapy session led by a quack eunuch. On a hike in the woods near the sea, Sky meets Daniel, a gorgeous mushroom forager who turns her on to some magic mushrooms. A short while later after they kick in, Sky’s notions of her life and sex will never be the same.

The New Math

Long-haired and long-legged MJ the 20-year-old minx is sick of her hard-partying, hedonistic ways. She wants to become a social worker and help the homeless. Her first step to begin higher education, however, is to pass a basic math course at a community college. The problem is: MJ sucks at math! She hates it! Fortunately, she has other skills to earn a credit. But when her devilish plans to seduce the old codger teaching the course go to hell because he croaks, well, MJ is lost. That is until she see’s the codger’s replacement, Shane. Young, hot, a stud, a surfer. Just like that, MJ’s strategy to pass is back on! And MJ definitely wants to earn an A+ for all the hard work she’ll have to perform.

Collected Kink Stories

In this specially-priced bundle of all 18 of Lark Jameson’s erotic stories available on Amazon, dive into this debut author’s salacious and satirical scenarios that punch up narratives with some occasional biting cultural commentary. Why not think AND get turned on at once? Jameson’s kinky tales feature characters such as a randy rock star, lonely fire lookout, frustrated photographer, addled nurse, Instagram minx, sex-starved Principal, white trash vixen performing community service, charged-up atheist on Easter Sunday, tennis player, bartender desperately in need of health care, and a woman with a fetish for panties on a road trip.

A Little About Lark Jameson, Writer

NSP Meditations, Writing , , , ,

All this week I’ll be promoting the work of one of my author clients, Lark Jameson, who has written some truly outrageous and thought provoking erotica, set in the great Pacific Northwest.

Her biography in her own words:

My interest in writing erotica began, when as a teenager in the 2000s, I discovered my Grandfather’s stash of Penthouse magazines from the 1970s and 1980s in the basement of his Oregon City house. The pictures bored me to death, but reading the “Letters to Penthouse” stories was a titillating experience. These stories were all so absurd, sexy and laced with humor and the occasional sly cultural aside. Sure, it was formula but it worked and collections of these tales sold in the millions. It was erotica for men, something almost totally vanished as a contemporary literary genre. Too much free porn out there caused that, I think. Who wants to read erotica if you can watch the fake real thing on your phone?

I do! And I suspect many others do as well. Isn’t the imagination always the best way to approach hot sex? Instead of a script. Instead of playbook.

Years later after the discovery in the basement, I entered a prestigious MFA program in creative writing and started submitting some erotic tales that were send-ups of the Penthouse formula. My professors couldn’t handle the heat, which made perfect sense because academics are easily the most sexless people in America.

I quit after three weeks and bounced around the Pacific Northwest for several years in my RV called the Prowler and with my rescue mutt called Horndog. I worked as a bartender, road flagger and tree planter and wrote up the stories offered for sale here. In conjunction with this effort, I started my own publishing company, Pacific Coast Smut with its editorial slogan of :Purveyors of only the choicest cuts of straight, socially-conscious erotica. These stories are for straight men and women and for those mature readers who might enjoy sprinkles of humor, satire, romance, cultural or environmental commentary, and the return of some of that classic “Letters to Penthouse” language. (Welcome back schlong and honeypot!)

Thanks for purchasing these tales and supporting an independent writer. It all helps keep me afloat as I work on an full-length erotic novel about the Western author Zane Gray, who was surely the kinkiest writer in American’s uptight sexual history.

*****

Check her out on Amazon books…just search for Lark Jameson. She also did all the cover designs.

Introducing Lark Jameson, New Oregon Writer of Erotica

NSP Meditations, Writing , , , ,

One of my author clients, Lark Jameson, has just released 18 individual erotic stories for sale on Amazon and a specially-priced bundle of them all called Collected Kink Stories. Prior to working with Lark, I’d never really delved into erotica, but I have to say, she has a unique and humorous voice for this bestselling genre, now that I’ve learned a lot about it.

All this week, I’ll be helping Lark promote her stories with some excerpts, summaries and covers. I urge you to check out her extraordinarily smart and salacious writing and support her by making some purchases and writing reviews. Is there a better time to read smut in these terrible times that try our souls? No.

You can find Lark on Amazon. Just go to the books section and search.

Intent

NSP Meditations

I saw a new RV with the most baffling of names: Intent. It was white and boxy and had license plates from a knuckledragger state. Intent? That makes no sense to me. Why not Intention or Intending? Does the owner actually have intent with this rig? Was it the title that sold it? What is the intent of contemporary America. Is it to get back to normal when the normal was murdering the planet, facilitating even greater concentration of wealth, exploiting/killing people of color, generally undermining every single soul in the nation, of the people that actually have one. Many do not.

Intent as a word conveys an attempt at something. It does not supply a happy or sad or even mediocre outcome to the attempt. There is something important or banal in this weird brand name that I have yet to fully consider and determine meaning for the larger story of what’s going on these days. I think these old and new RV names are like tea leaves. They must be read by a soothsayer or a novelist and interpreted. I will keep trying. I know something will cohere soon.

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